Puff, Puff, Pass: What To Do When You Want To Take The Third Option

By Francine Fluetsch on August 13, 2014

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When we hear the words “peer pressure,” our minds are swarmed with thoughts of mean harassment, of taunting teens that will make fun of you until you give in. This is the type of peer pressure that the media portrays, that parents and teachers warn their kids about and that it’s okay to say no to these bullies.

But what if the people that are pressuring you aren’t being bullies, but are rather close friends that may not even realize they are pressuring you? The thing about peer pressure is, it comes in many different forms, the worst being when people are being nice in their effort to persuade you.

When people use this nice kind of peer pressure, you almost feel worse saying no. When they are being mean to you, you notice right away and have the chance to remove yourself from the situation under the grounds that it is no longer fun and you don’t want to be around those people in that environment.

Peer pressure is a big thing that will come up in college, especially when it comes to drinking and drugs. The parents aren’t there, it’s a Friday night, and no one is planning on doing their homework until Monday morning anyway.

You decide to go out with a few people you just met on your hall. They seem super fun and they already have an invite to some house party. You tell them you don’t drink (insert your reason here) and they assure you that that is all fine and dandy and they promise it will be fun anyway.

But then you get to the party, and your hall mate asks politely if they can get you a drink. You kindly decline, but thank them anyway. They take interest in why you don’t want to drink, not in a mean questioning way, but out of genuine curiosity. You tell them and they nod along, seeming to really understand. You are grateful because you thought you would be shunned in college for it.

Then your hall mates start getting a little schwasty and ask you again if you would like a drink, saying how great you’ll feel and you should really try it. Their smiles and kind words make you hesitate your usual “no,” but you still decline. They promise you that you are in safe hands and that they will watch out for you, and won’t let you get too crazy.

With all their eager eyes on you, you feel embarrassed. But why? They aren’t taunting you, they aren’t calling you a loser, but you sure as hell feel like one. You slowly start to convince yourself that one drink would be okay. Just one, though you would have never, ever wanted to do it before. And as your hall mate lightly presses the drink into your hand, you don’t refuse.

You, my friend, just got peer pressured.

The hall mates in this scenario probably didn’t see what they were doing as bad, and they weren’t trying to make the person uncomfortable, they just were having a good time and wanted that person to have a good time as well.

While experiencing new things is a wonderful part of college, you should experience them because you actually want to, not because someone else convinced you to do it.

Though it is hard, you need to stay true to yourself and know the things you want to try and the things you want to steer clear of. If you don’t like drinking, tell people you’re allergic, or that you’ve already had enough if they offer it at a party.

You definitely don’t owe anyone an explanation, but I have found that random people will leave you alone faster that way. When it comes to your friends, you’ll have to really express that these are your ideals, and they can either accept them or not and that will determine if you should still hang out together or not.

Though I personally don’t drink, I have a lot of friends that do and we still have lots of fun together. They don’t pressure me and understand that I don’t want to, just like I understand that they do and I don’t judge them or anything.

If you still like the party scene but don’t like getting into the drinking and smoking bits, take someone with you that doesn’t either. It’s great because you aren’t in it alone, and you’ll be able to enjoy yourself without looking like the odd one out.

So what should you take from this? Always stand up for yourself and never let anyone convince you to do something that you don’t feel comfortable with.

As we grow up, we care less about being “cool,” because what does that even count for anyway? Just do you and let others do themselves and we can all get along.

Don’t succumb to peer pressure (nice or taunting) and don’t be a pressure-er. Enjoy your new experiences the way you want to!

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