10 (Im)Practical Uses for Crutches
1. To flush a public toilet
Toilets are gross. Why use your foot when you can use your crutch?
2. As a purse holder
No hook in the bathroom? Lean your crutch on the wall and hang your purse from it. Works like a charm!
3. To get the attention of a napper
Need something from the kitchen, but don’t want to get up? Use your crutch to poke your sleeping neighbor one couch over (you may want to use a different crutch from the one used for #1, unless the neighbor is an enemy).
4. To rock yourself in a chair
Why sit uncomfortably on the edge of your chair when you can sink into its awaiting arms and let your crutches do the work?
5. To get ahead in line
Nothing says “I can’t stand in line this long” like a pair of crutches. When I went to the movies last night with my boyfriend, Kevin, we were offered a better place in line.
6. For low-scale pole vaulting
This just sounds awesome.
7. To reach the chocolate milk
We keep the Nesquik® on the top shelf at my house; it’s a bitter shame.
8. For scooping
If for some reason you cannot (or simply do not want to) bend over, use your crutch to scoop things off the floor for you (i.e. shoes, your cat).
9. As a conversation starter
People are extremely curious. They will ask what happened to your leg and BOOM: new friends.
10. As giant chopsticks
In case you’re a giant wanting to eat Chinese food the right way.
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