5 Reasons Why Camping is Overrated
Honestly, camping is overrated. For clarification, I’m referring to actual camping, not the camping where you pitch a tent and then you can go take a shower in the facilities. As in, being alone in nature. If the outdoors are so cool, why don’t more people live outdoors? Jim Gaffigan says it best, but I’ll take a shot at injecting humor into one of man’s quirkiest hobbies. Here are five (awesome) reasons I’d choose the great indoors over camping any day.
1. Any place where you have to bring your own toilet paper is not a place worth going. If you’re going to respond, “But Rita, you don’t bring your own toilet paper; the point of camping is to be in nature.” Ohhh okay. Enjoy your poorly-placed poison ivy rash.
2. How much do you really like your fellow campers? I mean, really. Sure, the weather may be beautiful during the day, but if it’s night and it’s raining and there’s no other source of warmth, you can bet some inopportune spooning will be involved. Ask yourself, “Am I that willing to get close to my relatives or this Bible study camp?” Before you say yes, evaluate how willing you are to be cool with accidentally seeing somebody naked–including Pastor Phil.
3. BYOE – Bring your own everything. Camping’s like a party where you have to pack your underwear, get no cellphone reception, and you hope nothing creepy comes out in the night and eats you. So basically, it’s the plot of every horror movie you’ve ever seen.
4. Glamping is not camping – If the structure you’re in is impenetrable from creepy crawlies, chances are, you’re probably indoors. If you’re into “value glamping,” look at this. Tent on the outside, rustic-chic on the inside for the low, low price of 95 dollars a night. That’s right, folks, you can sleep in the “outdoors” in an open hotel room. But you still have to pee outside, which is what makes it considered camping. Hint: If your freshman year dorm is more outdoorsy than a tent outdoors, you probably don’t know what camping is. If you’ve had a communal bathroom, you know exactly what I mean.
5. Uncomfortable. Camping is uncomfortable. If you’re like me, you understand that sleeping on cold, hard, moist ground is not enjoyable. And people pay to do it. They pay for too hot or too cold climates where they have to prepare their own food, fend off intruders, and have trouble showering in a sanitary fashion.
Somehow all of these things sound like my first year in college. If any of this appeals to you, you probably have no friends. I’m totally kidding. If camping’s your thing, go for it. I’m trying to appeal to the reason of sane people here. If I can save one fellow indoor-lover from experiencing the harsh reality that is actually the outdoors, I will consider this a job well done. Until then, enjoy your handily-stocked toiletries and microwave chicken nuggets.
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