4 Tips for Civil Politics at the Thanksgiving Dinner Table

By Elena Novak on November 26, 2013

It’s almost time for family and friends to gather around the Thanksgiving table to share food, memories, laughter, and – inevitably – bitter arguments.

Someone – uncle, cousin, or the fiancé your sister brought home for the holidays – is going to bring up politics, and instead of trying to turn the tables in a different direction, try to encourage and engage in a civil discussion.

Here are four tips for turning down the heat on the oven when the discussion gets out of hand.

1. Listen

Well, duh. But there is a pointed difference between hearing and listening. Don’t spend the time that another person is talking formulating your next point; really hear what they have to say, and try to imagine what might have led them to that opinion. Ask follow-up questions that could help you get at the true meaning behind their point.

2. Be respectful

Use body language to show that you are invested in what they have to say. Don’t keep picking up your phone to look for a notification or to see what time it is, don’t roll your eyes or sigh; make sure the person feels comfortable being honest. Sensing discomfort or annoyance from the other person can put someone on the defense. Let them know you are interested in hearing diverse perspectives.

Photo by Ginny on Flickr

Kaylynn Toomey, a freshman at Florida State University, thinks people should also remember “how important it is not to raise your voice,” and to note others’ ideas by saying something like, “That is a good point, but what about…”

3. Be constructive

Word choice goes a long way. Avoid making generalizations and, of course, name-calling. Saying “that’s stupid” or “that’s ridiculous” will escalate the discussion very quickly. Stick to the point at hand. Don’t bring in irrelevant facts or arguments or make personal attacks. Keep your mind on resolution.

4. Find common ground

The goal in a political debate should always be to find a point both parties can agree on. Don’t let your emotions guide you; keep the issues at the forefront. Work to establish trust and understanding. If you can’t agree on a point, agree that you appreciate and respect one another despite having opposing views.

And if nothing else, learn from what was said. Likely you heard some good points made during the course of the discussion, new ways of perceiving an issue that you hadn’t thought of before.

George Camp, a senior at Florida State University, thinks it’s important to engage in political conversation, even if it’s risky.

“More people should definitely at least make an attempt to have civil conversations with their family about politics,” Camp said. “However, that requires all the people present to agree to be civil.”

In other words, you may find that those present aren’t interested in discussing but rather in debating. You can attempt to use the tips above, but be aware that civil discussion is an unpopular idea to many.

And though it might be easier just to avoid political discussion altogether, there is no progress to be made by sticking unwaveringly to your opinions without cultivating your ability to listen to and empathize with others. Even if you don’t change their mind, or even your own, it’s a test in rational and critical thinking and it bridges trivial gaps between people forged merely by an idea.

And if you’re still not convinced, just ask Kid President. He ranks this civil statement as the number four thing we should say more often: “I disagree with you, but I still like you as a person who is a human being and I will treat you like that because if I didn’t it would make everything bad and that’s what lots of people do and it is lame.” ‘Nuff said.

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